Pissing Contest

Pissing Contest

Life teaches us certain facts which no philosopher or mentor can teach you, sometimes we have to walk the road les travelled and reveal our true selves in the mirror of time. As time go buy we have time to work, play and think.

As a tobacco famer we have certain obligations that sometimes stretch deep into the night. Our ovens are coal fired so we have to check the kilns and make sure the fire is properly stoked. Sometimes it happens that the fire went out and we have to re-kindle it. This process can take anything from 5min to an hour. So one night I sat down and waited for the kiln to re-kindle and I started thinking.

I went to a local farming community school where there were no more than a hundred people in total. As a first grader we were kept to one side and we had this petite little bathroom for little boys and little girls. The bigger boys and girls had their own next to ours and we were never allowed inside. So one day our curiosity got the better of us and all the little boys went inside to take a pee, probably the thought of safety in numbers. As we went around the corner to the urinals we were aw struck by this huge big shiny metal urinal. It was so beautiful, we giggled and made our devious plans. So the first three lined up took two steps back and let a rip. Al of them failed, so the next three lined up took two steps back and let a rip. One won the contest. Like a pack of wolves we descended on the taps to fill our stomachs with water and to start over. Ten minutes later the second salvo was fired, with some moderate success. One would win, the others would lose and so it went on. By the fourth or sixth salvo the headmaster appeared right behind us as the last line was firing their salvo. By that time we were trying for four steps back. Well I need not tell you what happened next. All that I can remember is that we could not sit the next day without some difficulty.

So life goes on, the contest that started as a game at the urinals of our school, went on to become sport, academics and finally who has won the trophy of most beautiful wife and most money. One morning you wake up and find an invitation to your school reunion. First you hesitate, you ponder think, and then in a mad rush of delusion you call to say that you will attend. The evening is packed, the head boy and head girl of your senior year takes centre stage and welcomes each and everyone. You are surrounded by Smalltalk, who has achieved what in life.

Sometimes we are so bound by what we have to achieve in life that we forget the simple things, friendship, love and respect. Sometimes we are so burdened with what society wants us to believe that we don’t stop and smell the roses next to us in the garden of time. A while ago I was booked to go and work on the government ambulance service; it is about an hour’s drive from where we live, our plan was to leave early and to have something to eat before the night began. On our way to the big city we decided to swing buy our friends and just say hallo (which constitutes good manners for us farmers) before our shift starts. As we pulled up to the gate we could see their children playing outside, so we phoned them to open the gate. The response was that they are not at home. Later on I confronted them for lying to us and asked them why they didn’t want us to come in. The only reply came in the order of that we should let them know hours before we come. Thanks for that great friendship, was the first thought through my head. Reflecting back on the situation I realised that we are living worlds apart, those of us who decided to break chains with society and not to compete in the pissing contest are those who are not wanted as friends. The problem with these situations is that some of us have acquired skills outside the boundaries of normal dictated life. So I found that sometimes these people keep in contact with you just to use your skills and play along as friends.

Sitting back thinking and pondering over the situation I realised that some of us have to work so hard and keep on lying to ourselves so that nobody can see who we really are. Some of us use alcohol and drinking with friends to hide where we come from. Others just need to keep up with the Joneses. Those same Joneses, who will chew you up and spit you out. I remember a situation I caused as a student because of my own arrogance, back then I was sort of involved with a political party, but I had a dream, to summit mount Kilimanjaro and I tried to get funds raised, finally the university agreed they would use it as a publicity stunt and I could join them, just weeks before the planned summit I was kicked of the team. It was my idea I thought, and in anger and rage I ran to the relevant newspapers, or anyone who would listen. The pissing contest was on. I lost in the end; the Dean called me in just to inform me that I was on thin ice.

So we think we are better because we have something that others don’t have money, skills, ideas the beautiful car, wife and the house with the dog and picket fence. We piss at each other, just to piss others of so that we can be king of the urinals. Rudyard Kipling wrote a very true peace and I would like to use a phrase “If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings---nor lose the common touch,.” If all of us would apply what Kipling wrote, then there would be no need for a pissing contest.